Living Familyless

survivor's shadow

For the last few days I’ve been waking up asking God first thing “Why am I alone?” I know I left my ex-husband eight years ago because I was struggling with some hurt of my own but I never expected to be single for the rest of my life God.” Or at least that’s how it feels. Then I began to reflect on the fact that I am alone when it comes to family as well. As large as my family is I have not one cousin who I can just pick up the phone and say “let’s hang out. I’ll be over in a minute” Why is this? Not to mention I have no kids at the age of 42. Again, I ask “Why is this?” and the way my mind works these questions will stay on repeat until they are answered. Luckily all my answers showed up this evening.

As the hours passed through the day, I felt better about something really significant. With all the responsibilities of being a parent to my siblings growing up it is probably time for me to be alone in order to reset and reflect on what I want my life to look and feel like at the end of each day. So when I was invited out to catch up with a friend that was in town visiting I jumped on it. Not because I needed something to do but because I knew the energy, I would be spending with this group of individuals would be reciprocated.

So around 6:30 p.m. we met up for dinner. We talked, laughed, ate and talked some more. It was a great feeling to catch up on what this particular friend had going on since they relocated to be closer to their family. I felt at home as I spent time with them. It was at this moment I realized the feeling of being alone wasn’t due to the lack of positioned people such as a husband, cousin or a longtime high school friend. It’s due to my lack of appreciation for what I already have in my life. Family members cross my path in unexpected ways all the time. No they aren’t blood related but sometimes the best love come from the people you don’t know. The best thing about this is I know them when I feel them. The love and energy are undeniable.

So back to me feeling alone. Sometimes I just need a gently reminder that I’m never alone I am just sitting still. My life is more than a shadow.

6 thoughts on “Living Familyless

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