Living in Singleness

Hey friend,
How are you feeling? Pretty good. I’m glad to hear that life is treating you well today.
How am I doing? I’m ok. Better than I was yesterday.  Since the last time we talked alot has happened in my life that I want to share with you.
I dealt with breakup from someone who I trusted with my heart.  He motivated me daily to move forward in everything I wanted to do. We laughed, we cried and sometimes we just spent priceless time just listening to each other.  I needed and wanted all of that so much I ignored the subtle signs.
Why would I not trust him?
Our love for music, family and the desire to create freely matched up so well I felt like we had met before.  I didn’t realize it at the time but I needed him to fill this hole in my soul. The desire to be wanted.  I gave him the responsibility of showing me he wanted me consistently in order for me to feel loved. Although he wasn’t faithful neither was I.  I haven’t been faithful with myself for a long time.
Looking back I realize although I was in a relationship for thirteen years and married for three I never really lived in my singleness.
I moved in with my ex-husband who was my boyfriend at the time when I was eighteen.  Not because I loved him but because I couldn’t get along with my mother’s boyfriend.  He was verbally abuse to me and my siblings when my mother wasn’t around.  She said during one of our many agruements one day started by him ” One of you have to go” so I left and she let me leave.  I was now living with my boyfriend to escape my current situation. No alone time there.
Fast forward to thirteen years later the feeling of uncomfortableness grew unbearable so I separated myself from my husband. Someone had my attention during this transition which made it easier to leave. No alone time here either.
This has continued for the last eight years.  I was afraid to be alone with myself forget about being single. It was not a time of reflection but a time of depression.  I was struggling to survive emotionally.  I need to be in a relationship since that was all I knew.
Yesterday I came across a sermon by Pastor Michael Todd from Transformation Church on youtube. You should really check it out.
He talked about how important it is to live in your singleness.  Hmm I never thought about it as being a necessary stage in life.   I thought I needed to be in a relationship quickly after my divorce since I was getting older which is not true at all.
My last relationship was a mirror of some of my insecurities and weakness. I blamed him for being dishonest when I was dishonest with myself. I often appreciated the time we weren’t together because I knew if we were together all the time I would commit my everything to him instead of HIM. It scared me that I may neglect my goals to be in relationship. That fear was a sign that this isn’t the time to be in any relationship.  I know now I need to focus on what God wants me to do. Everything will fall into place in His time.
Well friend I’ll talk to you later.
With Hugs and Love,
Lakell

My “Me” Time Friday

11/10/21:51pm

Hey Survivors,

I had a very necessary  “Me” day date with one of my favorite hairdresser this past Friday.  After working a long week of overtime I deserved every minute of this time away into myself.

Here is the result:

The best part of this day is how I felt after I made the day about me:)

With Hugs and Love,

Lakell

 

What did you do for yourself today?

 

 

How do you rate your happy?

11/09/17:24

Hey Survivors,

Have you ever really took the time to sit with your emotions?  Do you know what your happy feels like and when you are living in it the most? If your answer is no, let’s see what we can do about that right now:)

I have learned that emotions have a life as well.  They can control you negatively or positively based on the decision you make after the feeling is executed.  It’s all up to you.

For me I have started becoming more aware of how I really feel due to me active involvement in daily journaling.  Journaling is so much more than just writing.

But that’s another blog for another day 🙂

Today I would like to discuss how you rate your happy.   Do you wait for someone to let you know if your happy or do you control your own happiness? Yes, No or maybe:)

Here is a mini journaling assignment I do to remind myself to live in the moment with my emotions right now.

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Here is a sample of my journaling assignment for today:

I am happiest when my heart feels….

Excited

Protection

Nurtured

Fulfilled

Inspired

Acknowledged

Peaceful

The lesson I gained from today’s assignment is that paying attention to my heart determines how I show up in my today.

I challenge you to do yourself a favor tonight and complete this assignment.  Let me know if it was helpful for you as well.

So until next time…Remember you are alive to live!!

With Hugs and Love,

Lakell 

Pssst… Did you show up for your happy today?

11 ways to feel your Heart’s Desire Lines

When your heart and desires align you will feel…

1. Unlimited energy to work until you fall asleep.
2. New thoughts and ideas will accompany the desire.
3. Moment of joy which is the auntie to happiness.

4. Your higher power’s nudge to keep going
5. Clarity to clear your memories bank’s pathway to your next step.
6. The need to take action naturally without second guessing.
7. Self-validation to grow now.
8. New energy given by the people waiting to help you fulfill this desire.
9. It’s time to put the whole YOU first while accepting all your the flaws
10. That the word “No” is self-love.
11. The need to smile involuntarily.

I hope you enjoy and grow from this list of confirmation that you are on the right track.

How do you know when your heart is aligned with your desires?

My best is here right now {Survivor’s Affirmation}

Repeat after me….

I am the best person I am meant to be right now today.

Note to self: You are who you believe yourself to be

What is your affirmation for today?

{Living Truthfully} Fear..Thanks for keeping me safe

Journey Day 4: Being molested not only changed my life but the way I would think from that day forward.

Which explains why I think so much. ALL THE TIMES!! It’s a blessing when it’s ideas but a curse followed by assumptions.

One of my most consistent conversing sessions during that time with myself sounded a lot like this:

“Kell, you gave him PERMISSION to hurt you by letting him into the core of you. From this day forward, you keep your dreams, desires and happiness to yourself.”  Signed….FEAR

Fast forward 2o something years….

This is why I have become so comfortable not living up to my potential.

This is why I am so comfortable with living in my ideas and scared to implement.

WOW!

From the moment I learned to read, I always loved learning.  I loved to read self-help and business books.  I developed wisdom very early in my life but I was still afraid.

As a teenager, the Small Business Magazine is where I dreamed the most.img_20170126_104338

I struggle everyday with telling fear I am ready to be a little uncomfortable to find out what fulfillment looks like for me in the business arena.

Which has been and still is ….One of my BIGGEST DESIRES!!

“So while I appreciate you protecting me as a child from never being molestated again. I think it’s time for us to part for a minute.

I think it’s time for me to grow.”

Signed ….Living As Lakell

Survivor’s Journaling Assignment: What is fear keeping you from?

Do me a favor…Reach back and share this post with one person today:)

 

{A Survivor’s Life} Living with Clear Vision

Journey Day Two: This past Saturday I attended my Annual Vision Board party  at my friend’s house. This is serious business for the ladies and I because we get to be creative.  A house full of creatives is nothing but a good time in the making.  This party is like no other.  

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We start off with Ms. Monica, my friend’s mom explaining and preparing our mind for the process of building our visual manifestation board.  She takes the time to research worksheets and articles that will prepare our mind and give it permission in this moment to dream.  She helps us leave our problems and stresses at the door and only worry about us for the next couple of hours.  We are completely present and engaged to begin our project.

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I begin the process of searching through magazines, agreeing with my eyes, and cutting out the necessary images and sayings to piece thought my vision together.  This is extremely therapeutic and freeing for me.

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Our great talks went together well with the delicious food served.  Two types of chili, pumpkin muffins and strawberry shortcake for dessert!! Yes!! Yes!!  I love doing things like this for myself with people I love and care about.

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At the end of the night, we speak out loud our vision to one another so we can all  come to an agreement to push and help each other along the way. Everyone needs support especially when you are on God’s path and no longer your own.

With Hugs and Love,

Lakell

Survivor’s Journaling Assignment:  Get out your journal right now and answer this question. What is keeping you from clearly seeing your vision?

{The Survivor Life} A Special Message just for YOU

Journey Day One:img_20161126_084724

Today marks the day I commit to writing and sharing with you the life lessons I live through daily as a S.A.S (Sexual Abuse Survivor). The journey is not meant to be easy and it hasn’t been but everyday is worth living.

I want the same for YOU as well.  I pray the same for YOU.

I know the issue YOU have with believing you are worthy enough for the guy or girl of your dreams.

I know the issue YOU have with feeling lonely in a house full of people who say they care and love you.

I know the issue YOU have as you suffer from depression because you feel like know one understands the internal fight between your mind and the devil daily.

I know the issue YOU have with living for validation so you over compensating to make someone else happy.  Hoping maybe they will return the favor.

I know the issue YOU have with boundaries. Say YES when your heart is telling you to say NO.

I know the issue YOU have with accepting love from others since you really are not sure if you love yourself.

I know the issue YOU have with self-control when it comes to food and sex.

I know the issue YOU have with self-sabotage when it comes to experiencing a good healthy relationship since you believe they will probably leave anyway.

I know the issue YOU have with creating your own happiness without attaching it to the next person, place or thing.

I know the issue YOU have with keeping your personal space safe.

I know the issue YOU have with forgiveness since you haven’t even forgiven yourself.

Believe me….I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW

What I also know is you are stronger then your current situation right now.

You are going to continue to get stronger every single day

I will walk alongside of you if you let me.

Today is the first day of the rest of OUR life.

 

With Hugs and Love,

Lakell

 

Journey thought:  Will you accept your next step? What do you need to do right now to prepare?

Reach back and Share this post with one person today:) Thank You!!